VISITING A "CONVENTIONAL HOUSEHOLD" - WITH PROBLEMS? (Quoted from Chap.2 of "Discipline At Home Made Simple - by Allan E. Harrison)

     Johnny Jones, familiarly called J.J. by all his friends, was a tall, thin red-head with a temper to match. His wife for 16 years, Marcia, could testify to that fact and would be seconded by each of their five children, who all bore minor scars to prove it, either physical or mental.
     J.J. wasn't cruel, merely continuously irritated and exhausted after six nerve-wracking days each week driving his truck in city traffic. Fortunately, today was Sunday and he planned on recuperating before Monday. For this purpose he had risen early to quietly enjoy the newspaper without the annoyances customarily experienced when his children were awake.
     Each of J.J.'s children had distinctive personalities to displeasure him. Steven, 15, really wasn't a problem in this respect. His difficulties lay in another direction - he thought he was fully grown before he was.
     The baby, Bruce, 4, was the family terror. It seemed as if he found his way into everything with his inexhaustible store of enery. Reading a paper would be entirely out of the question when Bruce was awake.
     James, 9, had almost as much nervous energy as Bruce except in a more refined and intelligent way. He usually led his brother into mischief and then extracted himself before any blow could fall.
     Susan, 11, was the loner of the family and had become somewhat of a problem because of it. Her daily struggles for independence with four brothers kept the household in an uproar.
     Wayne, 13, just naturally fell under the influence and leadership of his older brother, Steven. Wayne was the quiet one who thought a lot more than he ever said. J.J. never really understood this son as well as his wife did.
     Marcia, J.J.'s wife, was 34, two years his junior, a quiet, patient, and hard-working woman. She kept a neat home and cooked wholesome meals which taxed her liminted ingenuity on the meager income supplied by J.J. She had made a budget of sorts within which she tried to stay, except when J.J. raided it for some pet project he felt the family needed.
     This, essentially, is the household that occupies a three-bedroom tract where we are now visiting. Naturally, all characteristics of the inhabitants can't be listed, nor is it necessary for our purposes that they should be. Nevertheless, we are at least sufficiently acquainted with the occupants to begin a day's drama in the home.
                                              At The House
     Bang! went the bedroom door and J.J. jumped in his easy chair. Oh no! he thought. Bruce must be awake and if he wasn't, he would be now. There were times when kids were more trouble than than were worth and this gave promise of becoming one of them.
     Bruce came tearing into the living room screaming that James had hidden his shoe. At first J.J. tried ignoring him, but Bruce, master attention-getter that he was, tugged at his fathers's trouser leg and clammered to be heard. J.J. continued reading with pretended unconcern. Bruce resorted to more stringent measures by pounding on his father's kneecap with his fist and screaming out his complaint.
     J.J. continued to read except for shushing his son with an index finger across his lips. "Go outside and play," he said harshly, without so much as a glance.
     (This had worked for J.J. before and he felt too irritated to get involved with Bruce's silly problems on his only day off.)
     Bruce paused and stared at his inattentive father, his face mirroring his youthful disbelief. What was wrong with his dad, he thought? Was he deaf? How could he go outside without a shoe? He'd have to tell him again, but first he would have to get his attention. Bruce, being the youngest member of the family, had had the least contact with J.J.'s temper or he would not have risked doing what he did next. Bruce bent forward and bit his father on the knee.
     J.J. let out a howl of pain and slapped his son in the face with a open palm as he rose from the chair. Bruce cartwheeled across the room and came to rest against the opposite wall in a sitting position. Blood spurted from his nose and painted his pajama front a bright red. A few seconds after the shock had worn off, Bruce let out a wail of anguish and pain. J.J. stood frozen with honest surprise for all of five seconds before rushing to his son and picking up the squalling youngster. He quickly carried him to the kitchen sink and applied cold water to the smashed nose.
     (Here is a case of typical unintentional child abuse which could have been avoided through a little self-reliance exercised beforehand by Bruce rather than expecting it from his father. It would be wonderful if J.J. could have demonstrated some restraint also, but human emotions being what they are, I believe it is just too much to expect. Rather than place the burden on adults to do the almost-impossible, why not load it on the child where it really belongs to begin with? This can be accomplished when the child wants to accept the responsibility for his own actions, but it seldom happens just because parents desire the youngster to think and act as an adult should. In essence, it matters little what parents want, but instead what the child wants. Solve this want and the problem disappears. So the real secret to controlling the child's behavior is to get the youngster to want what his parents want. This can be successfully accomplished with the child's own cooperation as will be demonstrated later. Until then, on with our visit.)
     After the excitement had disappeared, reason returned in the household. Marcia attempted to softly rebuke J.J. for his use of excessive force and this only served to rekindle smoldering fires until J.J. was shouting his replies while the rest of the children watched with unconcealed dread that further violence might erupt at any moment.
     Steven, feeling the weight of his 15 years, unwisely sided with his mother. J.J., knowing he was in the wrong, but feeling cornered, swung his frustration and irritability onto the new and more convenient target, "You shut up and keep your two cents out of it." The glare he fastened upon Steven should have been warning enough.
     Steven felt the eyes of the rest of the children daring him to accept the challenge. With the folly of youth, he experienced a compulsion to stick his head into the lion's mouth just this once. "But you were wrong, Dad. Bruce didn't rate that much punishment."
     J.J.'s right hand flashed forward and grabbed his son by the shirt front. Instinctively, Steven withdrew and the shirt tore with a loud "R - I - P!" J.J. released his hold immediately.
     Both faces reflected their surprise. J.J. recovered first and his features softened with contrition, "I'm sorry son. I didn't mean to tear your shirt, but you must learn to keep out of any discussions I have with your mother unless we invite your opinion."
     (With the utilization of authoritarianism, seldom is an invitation issued to share the throne of power or decision making. The dictator usually feels that it weakens the source of authority. Therefore, very little self-determination can be exercised by such younsters at any time, and yet these same dictatorial parents unreasonably expect their child to be fully trained to accept all responsibility as an adult.)
     More to hide his shame than anything else, J.J. withdrew from the kitchen to the living room chair and pretened to once again peruse the morning paper. All other family members studiously avoided further confrontations by tending strictly to their own business.
     Marcia softly reminded Wayne that his room was messy again and directed him to clean it immediately before his father found out. She also quickly settled an argument beginning in the back yard over who would ride the bike today. It mustn't, she thought to herself, develop into something that might distrub J.J.  Also, she hurriedly cautioned Steven to keep his radio down low for the same reason. Above all, she wanted no more blow-ups this day; she felt her nerves wouldn't stand it.
     Despite her best efforts she couldn't suppress a shiver of trepidation as J.J.'s voice rang through the house.
     "Marcia! Please come to the kitchen."
     J.J. was bending over the garbage can with the lid in one hand.
     "I thought I told Wayne he must empty this everyday and now it's full. Now, I'll have to take it out because he can't lift it. Marcia, I wish you wouldn't baby that boy so and would use a board on his behind once in a while."
     "All right, John," Marcia quickly agreed before further complications could develop. "I'll lay down the law to him tomorrow. After what's already happened, I just can't do it today."
     This reply seemed to pacify J.J. and he said nothing further as he lugged the heavy can out the back door. However, his thoughts came fast and furiously. Marcia sometimes let the children have too much leeway. Instead of insisting on schoolwork being done, she usually allowed them to go and play. And both he and his wife should enforce better language requirements around the house. Some of the younger children were even picking up swear words and this had to stop immediately.
     (Again, J.J., or any other parent, can have the best of intentions, but without that permanent desire or want coming from the youngster, it is usually time being wasted.)
     Much of the morning seemed to go smoothly except for Susan monopolizing the telephone and James the T.V.  Marcia diplomatically tried assigning T.V. viewing times which failed to please anyone since each favorite program seemed to appear at the same time. Finally J.J. stepped in with his usual high-handedness and turned the set off altogether.  "Go study your schoolwork," he admonished. Each departed for his own room grumbling.
     (As stated previously, far too many parents feel that dictatorial control is the fastest and the simplest way, and for this reason, they usually employ it excessively. Instead, if more effert was spent on democratic methods, eventually, time would be saved and permanent changes effected. Again, the real trouble, I feel, lies with the democratic methods used. In other words, they really aren't democratic. The parent, being human, usually thinks only in terms of what he wants or thinks his child should want instead of what the child actually desires. Techniques which will assure success are easy to implement when thought is given to this important principle, as will be seen soon.)
     J.J. answered a knock at the door about 9:30 and it was Billy Brown asking if James could come out to play. J.J. almost said no because he had to study his schoolwork. Then his conscience gave him a twinge of nostalgia - for a second or two he was again a boy of 9 on a Sunday morning.
     "OK! Billy, come in and I'll see," he held the screen door wide for the lad to enter.
     (One of the worst enemies parents have in bringing up youngsters is that mothers and fathers are inconsistent. Once the child is aware of this, seldom can the weakness be repaired. Children know exactly how to be consistrent themselves until the desired objective is obtained and they truly respect it in others.)
     James happily joined Billy, but J.J. insisted upon a condition with which neither was overjoyed - they must play quietly together inside the house until it was time for the family to go downtown. J.J. returned to this thick Sunday paper.
     About fifteen minutes of peace reigned before sounds of an argument arose from James's bedroom. J.J.sighed with weariness as he hurried to the doorway. "Well, what's the trouble now?"
     "Billy won't pick up his share of the toys," James exclaimed angrily.
     J.J. agreed with the necessity immediately, since the floor was littered. "Well, James, your friends are your responsibility just as your toys are also. Neither you nor I can force Billy to do the right thing, but if he doesn't he will have to go home and won't be invited back again. So it's his choice. What's it to be Billy?" J.J. looked directly at the lad and Billy began to hastily pick up toys, perhaps recalling J.J.'s enforcement methods in the past.
     (Youngsters should be made responsible for actions of their guests, but this is difficult when enforcement is considered.)
                                       Around The Town
     At 10:30, after much urging and a great deal of cleanliness and supervision on Marcia's part, the children were presentable for the trip to town. First on the agenda was church, then shopping, and finally the city park if time allowed.
     Once in the car, J.J. suggested that . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

NOW CLICK ON THE BACK BUTTON! THEN CLICK ON "VISITING A SYSTEM HOUSEHOLD - WITHOUT PROBLEMS!" Once there, you will discover how a System household ( with J.J. and his family in it) can be run without problems!"