FREE, SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTIONS FOR PROBLEM CHILDREN

ELIMINATE STRESS AND WORK
with
EFFORTLESS TEACHING OR EFFORTLESS PARENTING

(Learn How To Create Self-Responsible Kids Easily)

  1. Build Self Accountable Youngsters with valuable (to-the-child-involved) Self Accountable Scorekeepers (Called "Points"). We adults call our Scorekeepers "Dollars!" Then, kids come for advice - not management!

  2. Base everything upon your "Rules of Law," which the children understand and have helped you to make. Believe It Or Not - "It's This Simple, Management Isn't Needed!"

    To see exactly how this works and to view what is labeled the "Harrison System" please click below, then click the back button (or, even better, wait until you have read the rest of this web site before clicking): http://members.aol.com/ALLANHARRI/index.html

ANYONE WANTING TO GO TO OUR HOME WEB SITE WHERE THERE ARE MANY ARTICLES TO READ AND MANY LINKS ON WHICH YOU CAN CLICK TO ACQUIRE SELF-RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN AT SCHOOL OR HOME MAY DO SO BY CLICKING BELOW:
http://www.behaviormodsuperkids.com (But remember to click the back button to read what follows on this web site)

PROBLEMS & SOLUTIONS

     NOW LET'S OFFER OUR SUMMARY OF SOME PROBLEMS WITH CHILDREN AT HOME (as extensively described by Jane Marks, Columnist for Parents Magazine, in her excellent book called "We Have A Problem," published by American Psychiatric Press, Inc., 1992 - Thus, the problems portrayed here are authentic) .
     NEXT, WE'LL COMPARE OUR SYNOPSIS OF EACH MANAGEMENT SOLUTION (as put forth by an extensive description in Jane Marks' book) WITH OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION OFFERED AFTERWARDS.  
     You be the judge of which solution is better!  You may find your own problem (and solution) among those described!

     However, before we start, a few things must be said:  
     A.  First, your problem child should be checked by a proper physician for a medical or physical problem. If such a problem exists, follow the doctor's advice. If no such problem exists, then apply "Harrison System" methods.
     B.  Second, even if a medical or physical problem exists, consideration should be given to utilizing System methods for the following reasons:
          a.  Your handicapped or problem child should be trained to live a full and self accountable life in our heterogeneous world. The handicap or problem can be accepted and overcome by the child with the right attitude instilled - an attitude of self-reliance and self accountability (the child alone pays if he or she causes injury to others). This is exactly what the System does - in a way that is logical and acceptable to the child and society.  Moreover, the process reduces (rather than increases) stress and work for the adults involved .
          b.  To do otherwise insures a life of dependency or institutionalization for the child. For example:  A child who has criminal tendencies, a careless attitude toward rights of others, or who bites, throws tantrums, etc. can be on the "road" to prison, eventually. Even the (physically or mentally) handicapped or crippled child must learn to respect rights of others or else expect to be institutionalized as an adult to protect society. 

NOW THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, SOME PROBLEMS ARE:

ADOPTED KIDS & JOINED FAMILIES
"THE 1st PROBLEM":
     Erica and Bill adopted Tammy, a 9 year old girl.  At first everything seemed perfect, except that Tammy was allergic to cats.  So, the obliging parents gave the cat to friends.
     Soon Tammy began stealing from Erica's purse.  Next the school called and said Tammy was being disruptive.  When Erica needed to visit her ill father in another city and then returned, Tammy seemed distant from old fears of desertion. After this Tammy was prone to argue, break things and be mischievous. Tammy said in reference to her adoptive home:  "This is a stupid place to be."
     After this Erica had to go to school because Tammy was causing more problems.  Erica defended her adopted daughter to the teacher by stating that Tammy didn't need more rejection from school . Erica said that she felt Tammy was merely testing the teacher.  At home, Tammy alternated between clinging and defiance for the next 4 weeks,. 
     Soon, Tammy stole candy and toys from a local store.  Her reply as to why she did this was:  "If I'm not good enough send me back!" This was the last straw for Erica.  So Bill called Pat, who worked for the children's agency from which Tammy came. Pat suggested a Counselor be consulted.
"A MANAGEMENT SOLUTION":
     The Counselor talked to all of the parties concerned and came to the conclusion that Erica and Bill were good people and had done no wrong in parenting Tammy. The Counselor also felt that Tammy was fearful that her needs wouldn't be met and needed extra reassurance she wouldn't be rejected in the future. Trust was woefully missing from Tammy's background.
     The Counselor consulted with Tammy often during coming months.  Tammy revealed that she didn't believe she would be staying long with her adoptive parents and expressed worry that Bill and Erica had no "love in their hearts" because they didn't cry when they gave the cat away.  The Counselor explained that Erica and Bill did feel bad but cared more about Tammy.  This seemed to start the girl to thinking.
     On one visit Tammy stole the Counselor's pen and returned it the next week with an apology.  It was discovered that Tammy needed to grab, steal, or break things as a survival and security technique or just to get even. 
     The Counselor and Tammy worked hard on learning to trust and on the give-and-take of every day living.  After awhile Tammy learned to try to behave herself at home and school which resulted in more and more acceptance from students, the teacher, and parents.
     It took eight months before the Counselor felt Tammy no longer needed to return for weekly sessions.  However, the Counselor left the door wide open for a return should Tammy relapse in the future.  This seemed very possible given Tammy's background, lack of lasting trust, and the difficulties expected in the teenage years.
"OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION"
     At the start, Tammy would become a member of the household's "Council" with a vote on happenings at home. This would be a drastic improvement in "trusting" for Tammy. She would not only be an intricate part of all household decisions but she would also have a say in them.  She would help Erica & Bill make "household laws."  She would understand why they were needed and then vote for the self-punishment of each.  It would no longer be Tammy against the authority but rather Tammy as part of "Bill's and Erica's Household Society."
     Tammy would learn to perform her self-selected chores around the house, perform properly at school, save her earned "points" to pay for her desired motivational items (or suffer the prescribed "fine" if she didn't), and learn self-control and self-accountability the best way possible - through experience.
     Justice would be dispensed according to the "rule of law" rather than the "rule of authority." This would build trust like you can't believe since the law and punishment would be known to Tammy before the law was broken.  Tammy would no longer have to speculate or imagine what the authority could or would do - she would know.  For example:  Tammy would understand from the discussion involved at Council meetings why the cat must be given away.  Also the problems at school would never arise since Tammy would not want to embarrass her family and suffer the automatically prescribed fine for such behavior.
     Instead of trying to laboriously fix things after they are broken, as we do with management methods, self-responsibility methods prevent the errors before they happen.  Any problems Tammy has could be discussed at Council Meetings with solutions acceptable on a just and fair basis (instead of having to wait eight months for perhaps a temporary correction as often happens with management methods with a counselor).
     Guilt, stress, and work for Erica and Bill would disappear; justice, trust, and self-control would build for Tammy;  and household harmony, tranquility, and observer envy for this household would become unbelievable.
     Now, try to visualize the future prospects for Tammy under management methods versus self-responsibility methods.  would Tammy have to have a manager constantly available to avoid more problems?  Probably!  When children are trained with self-accountability methods, the learning experience usually stays forever.  Such a child KNOWS that he or she alone pays for mistakes so advice is sought - thus, management isn't needed.
"THE 2nd PROBLEM":
     Susan & John got married.  Susan already had two 8 year-old twin girls from a previous marriage and John had a son age 11 from a previous marriage.  Prior to marriage the kids and parents got along well but afterwards problems began to develop.
     Basically the trouble lay with the favoritism John exhibited for his son Scott compared to the proper behavior Susan expected and demanded from her daughters.  Trying to get proper behavior with Scott was an impossible task.  For example:  John would excuse Scott and not back Susan with dirty clothes;  eating habits:  study & TV time;  and the many and myriad things that are necessary and yet can irritate in a family.
     Soon Susan's girls resented the favoritism and began taunting Scott, disliking their stepfather, and then asking their mother why they had to do things that Scott didn't.  Finally things came to a head, with Susan's embarrassment, on a trip to Florida to visit Susan's mother.   Susan and John sought the services of a Counselor as the marriage started to fall apart.
"A MANAGEMENT SOLUTION":
     The Counselor stated that the problem lay with the different family backgrounds and upbringing of Susan and John.  The Counselor got both parents to realize and admit this, much to the surprise of both parents.  John was from a strict upbringing and decided his child would be cut some "slack," especially after his wife died when Scott was six.  Susan came from a strict but loving family that wouldn't put up with rudeness, sloppiness, and behavior such as Scott exhibited.
     The Counselor suggested that both parents should decide on "house rules" for all family members.  Common areas, such as the living room and kitchen, must have rules that respected everyone's rights but personal bedrooms could remain personal. Rule after rule was discussed and devised, with the help of the Counselor, to provide a give and take type of harmony with common sense mixed in.  It took six sessions of formulating rules, with the Counselor's help, before things at home gradually improved.
     Finally the three kids came around to a partial acceptance, since John and Susan maintained a united front against the kids. Even Scott showed his friends the rules posted on the refrigerator door and suggested that they should have similar rules in their homes.  But, the Counselor stated with finality that this family would "never be the seamlessly fitting family that Susan was hoping for, because that involves blood relationships."
"OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION":
     Once the marriage was consummated, Susan and Bill would have one vote each on the "Family Council."  Scott would have 1/2 a vote and the twin girls would each have 1/4 of a vote.  Thus, the family would be welded together for all household happenings with the parents in control but also with input from the children.  
     Each family member would be responsible for either depositing his "fair share" of real "cash" money to run the household or doing household chores as a substitute, for which the child earned "points."  Thus, self-responsibility is learned.
     Fair and just household laws (with proper penalties) would be discussed and voted into existence by the Council.  Next, household chores (with earnable points for each) would either be accepted or assigned (and rotated fairly) by the Council for each household member.  Motivational items (which could be purchased by Council members) would have point values assigned to them by the Council.
     Now that the reader has a tiny core idea of why the statements that follow can be accepted as possible, we will put forth "Our Alternate Self-Responsible Solution."
     Even though Susan and Bill have completely different philosophies on child rearing, they have only one vote each toward putting them into practice.  Discussion, reason, fairness, and justice must be utilized at Council meetings.
     Instead of some fickle authority controlling, household laws now prevail.  Thus Susan will be satisfied and Bill also, since both know that laws are not made to be broken or bent (by anybody). But of even more importance, the children will also realize this.
     Bill can no longer favor his son and must respect the law. Scott must do the same and respect the rights of everyone else in the family or else lose points for his rudeness, name calling, and disrespect of Susan.
     All family members, through self-accountability, will start learning to become self-responsible members of society as soon as the marriage is consummated.  Basically, the "Harrison System" prevents problems before they can occur.  Management methods try to fix them afterwards.
TROUBLESOME BEHAVIOR
"THE 3rd PROBLEM":
     Margo and Stan had a 4 year old son called Jared who wasn't like their 8 year old twins, Will and Mathew, nor like their 7 year old daughter Katy.  
     Jared was very reserved and seemed to Stan and Margo to be completely opposite in temperament from his brothers and sister.  So much so that Margo complained that she could handle tantrums and wild behavior such as her other children displayed. This was just part of childhood, she believed.  Expressions of joy and enthusiasm seemed to be absent from Jared's character. Instead, he whines and is such a loner that Margo feels she isn't "making his world good enough or safe enough or interesting enough" for him.  It wears her out until she feels she isn't a good mother.
     Stan feels that Jared never does what he is asked, such as going to bed, eating dinner, etc.  In one instance Jared was asked to get his grandmother's glasses and "he didn't budge."  So Stan got angry with him and Jared cried.  Then mother felt sorry for Jared and cuddled him.
     Another time Jared was taken to a puppet show where he showed no emotion despite the laughter and enjoyment of many other children in the audience.  This angered Margo so much she called him a "Sourpuss and an ungrateful little boy." Jared cried.
"A MANAGEMENT SOLUTION":
     When the Counselor asked why Margo came to her, Margo replied that her other kids were adventurous and positive thinking while Jared was a whiner and negative about everything.      As Margo gave examples to the Counselor of Jared's behavior, the Counselor asked what the mother liked about Jared.  Margo cited Jared's persistence and insightful nature.
     The Counselor concluded that Jared was slow to accustom himself to strange situations and didn't meet his parents expectations for the type of positive behavior they were use to. So Jared was frequently blamed for being himself.
     After personally observing Jared, the Counselor further concluded that Jared was bright and normal but a misfit compared to the other children in the family.  Margo and Stan expected an expressive, affectionate, and high-key child.  Big fights, open affection, and freely expressed feelings were normal in Margo's and Stan's eyes.  Jared exhibited none of these things. So Jared was labeled abnormal.
     The Counselor indicated that the parents were compounding the problem by upbraiding Jared for normal behavior for Jared. The boy's self-esteem was slowly drying up.
     Thus, Margo became insightful and stated that she was probably making Jared feel he was constantly wrong by usually approving things her other children did.  This could possibly cause his whining which was a way of expressing his unhappiness.
     The Counselor then suggested that Margo and her husband "retune" themselves to accommodate Jared's different behavior. This would let Jared be himself.  "Don't push him!" she said. Margo and Stan should try to incorporate Jared into family activities, at his pace and temperament, without compromising his training to live in the real world and the normal demands it imposes.
     A year later the Counselor learned the adjustment seemed to be working for Jared.  More importantly, the parents had developed "a far greater understanding of Jared."
"OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION":
     This problem and the proper solution should by now make the reader realize the great value of a self-responsibility program at home.  Such a program allows every child or adult to be himself or herself without any individual in the household being allowed to take the rights of others or imposing stress and work on the parents.
     Jared's behavior would be no problem in a "Harrison System" household.  As a self-accountable child, he could grow and mature without the need of parental management.  Advice would be constantly sought by Jared to prevent mistakes and unsociable behavior.  Jared's different temperament and behavior would be accepted by all family members so long as he didn't take the rights of others.  And, the important point is:  that Jared (and his parents) would realize this so that he could automatically grow into a successful adult with almost no stress or work for parents.
TROUBLE AT SCHOOL
"THE 4th PROBLEM":
     Joanna and Michael were having problems with 8 year old Wendy in her 3rd grade classroom.  Wendy stated at home, to her parents, that Mrs. Rush, her teacher, hated her and always  singled her out unfairly for punishment.  
     After talking with Mrs. Rush, who indicated that Wendy was disrespectful, willful, and argumentative, the parents sided with the teacher against Wendy and severely restricted their daughter at home.  This was in addition to the restrictions Wendy suffered at school.  However, the restrictions only seemed to make matters worse. 
     When the parents talked to the principal the evidence confirmed that it was Wendy's fault.  So even more restrictions were applied at home.  But things just got worse until Mrs. Rush ended up in the principal's office in tears because of a very hateful poem Wendy had written. with graphic drawings, about her teacher.  This brought a counselor into the picture.
"A MANAGEMENT SOLUTION":
     After the Counselor, by interviews, received all of the facts, she suggested that Wendy and Mrs. Rush were totally incompatible.  The Counselor also recommended that Wendy be moved into another classroom that Wendy wanted.
     This seemed to solve the problem except for occasional "bullheadedness" on Wendy's part.  Wendy finally acknowledged that teachers may have bad days just like kids do.
"OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION":
     With a "Harrison System" household or classroom, Wendy could be as "bullheaded" as she wished without stressing or upsetting anyone other than herself.  Wendy would know the household or classroom laws, understand why they were needed, and exactly what penalty would be paid before each one was broken.  
     On the other hand, the teacher or parent in such a classroom or household could never be unfair, unjust or even disrespectful without compensation being given to the damaged child.  The "Justice System" takes care of all such matters.  Wendy was an achiever who needed to learn that she as well as everybody else MUST abide by self-made "rules" or suffer the consequences. Lecturing wouldn't and couldn't do the job for Wendy - only through self-inflicted pain (the loss of her valuable points) could Wendy be convinced, without stress and work for everybody for a long period of time.
ADJUSTMENT SOCIALLY
"THE 5th PROBLEM":
     Nancy and Jim couldn't think of a time in the past when their son Kenny wasn't a big problem.  He was constantly bossy, disruptive, argumentative, and almost impossible to control either at home or at school.  Reasoning, chastisement, time-outs, restrictions, and even spanking did little good.  After each spanking the parents felt strong remorse.
     A counselor was finally consulted after Kenny lost control at school when a classmate laughed at him.  Kenny grabbed her classroom project and smashed it to pieces.
"A MANAGEMENT SOLUTION":
     The parents told the Counselor that Kenny could be a lovable and terrific kid but "intense and unpredictable."  It wasn't until the Counselor began visits with Kenny that he decided on a course of action.
     His first act was to talk to Kenny's teacher, Mrs. Christoff. The woman informed the Counselor that Kenny was the "most difficult child she'd taught in years."  He didn't complete his work; argued; was impulsive and angry; and couldn't keep his hands off other pupils.  Yet, "he can be really sweet," she said, despite her having to send him to the office for punishment or having to send notes home to his parents.
     The next time the Counselor met with the parents he suggested treatment.  Kenny, he said, must learn correct "social skills" and an "educational strategy" must be devised to accomplish this.  He must be taught how to properly interact with people.
     When the parents questioned why Kenny hadn't learned this previously on his own, the Counselor indicated that this would be a persistent and "accelerated course" they would now devise together for the parents to use with Kenny at home.  
     For the next several months, the Counselor said, the parents would need to be very persistent and do exercises with their son. They would have to record what Kenny did or didn't do, for how long, how often, and so forth.  Afterward, they would report what happened to the Counselor so that Kenny's actions could be critiqued and analyzed.
     The parents were also instructed to recognize their son's positive behavior.  For instance, Kenny must learn to accept authority and limits, and he must properly ask for things.   The parents should try to ignore harmless or annoying type of behavior.  Above all they must not criticize or punish him.  All this was designed as an exercise that would help them enjoy Kenny without reprimands and to connect their actions with Kenny's responses, the Counselor said.
     The Counselor also said, both parents must control the environment rather than Kenny by not letting their negative attitudes to dominate.  Kenny received the wrong attention this way from each parent and it must stop.
     So the parents role-played at the Counselor's place and at home until both Nancy and Jim understood how Kenny was able to bait them and how much Kenny loved praise.  The parents were instructed to record their own behavior.  From this they would learn how to praise rather than condemn.  This gave Kenny more of the right kind of attention.  
     Soon the parents felt better about themselves, although it came at a price.  As they practiced, Nancy got angry and Jim apologetic.  Finally they learned to reverse this behavior and support the decisions of each other.
     Despite the practice, Kenny's behavior got worse.  Finally the Counselor agreed to limited punishment with plenty of appropriate praise for proper behavior.
     After six months of treatment, Nancy and Jim became better listeners and allowed Kenny to express his emotions rather than having to act out his feelings.
     The Counselor suggested that Kenny's teacher, Mrs. Christoff, be required to render a daily "report card" to the parents concerning Kenny's behavior at school.
     In conclusion, the parents now believed they had a way to "spur Kenny on to get better grades, not defy the teacher, and not be so disruptive at school.  However, the teacher stated that Kenny still had a troublesome mouth and a temper. Yet, his behavior did seem more typical and acceptable now.
"OUR ALTERNATE SELF-RESPONSIBLE SOLUTION":
     The reason the previous "Management Solution" was so detailed and long was because the reader needs to see exactly how time consuming, stressful, work-intensive, and unreliable most management solutions can be.  Often, after months of intensive counseling efforts, the results can be questionable at best.  And, this says nothing about the huge costs involved.
     Instead of heartache, you can head off almost all future problems at home or school with a free do-it-yourself program using self-accountability methods - before they arise.  
     The actual solution right now is simple, easy, and costless. Merely return to the beginning or top of this web site and click on the ALLANHARRI link as indicated to find out how the "Harrison System" should be properly utilized.  The earlier in a child's life that you implement the two steps revealed there (starting at age 4), the sooner you will be able to enjoy "Superkids" with all the right attitudes without stress or work.
WANT TO SEE MORE PROBLEMS & SOLUTIONS?  Just click on the next page at:  http://members.aol.com/MARGEHARRI/MARGE2.html  (Page 2)

http://www.behaviormodsuperkids.com/MARGEpage3.html  (Page 3)

WANT TO SEE MORE OF OUR SITES? THEN DO THE FOLLOWING:
Click on our other web site to discover what the Self Accountable Children's Society (S.A.C.S.) can do for you, our schools, and society (what's possible may shock you):   http://members.aol.com/SACS2000/index.html

Or click on   http://members.aol.com/SacsKids/index.html   to find out what SACS's kids, parents, teachers, and other educators have to say about "Self Accountability Training." 

Or click on:  http://members.aol.com/OwnaPvtSch/index.html   to find out how easy and inexpensive it is for anyone to own a private school or parents workshop after you learn how to create "Superkids!"

Or click on   PERFECT ATTITUDES & BEHAVIORS (for kids) ARE EASY & COSTLESS! The miracles of perfect children are yours for the clicking! Imagine, no more problems with kids, either as a teacher or a parent! Seem too good to be true? Well, when you have youngsters automatically coming to you for advice, because they don't want to make a costly (to them) mistake, you will no longer need to manage them. Thus, your stress and work will automatically disappear. Click on our web site at: http://members.aol.com/PerfectAttitudes/index.html and prove it for yourself. It's all free on our web sites for the do-it-yourself parent or teacher! But be sure to come back here for what's below.

Or click on PERFECT (K-8) SCHOOLS ARE EASILY AVAILABLE & LESS EXPENSIVE! With a few costless changes (in enlightened attitudes), miracles are possible in both public and private K-8 elementary schools - despite what the managers of education will tell you! America can spend one third what it does now and achieve three times the academic and social progress you see today! These are logical facts which can be proven to ANY person believing in facts rather than mere words of some so called educational manager, administrator, education professor, teachers' union executive, or school expert. Click on our web site and prove it for yourself. It's at: http://members.aol.com/PerfectSchools/index.html

Or return to the top and click on our ALLANHARRI site to discover exactly how the "Harrison System" works!

Finally: You should be able to do it all without help.  But, if you can't, please buy, read, and implement the comprehensive, "do-it-yourself, yet simple instructions" in our 2 or 3 books.

The books are not expensive!  And, they're fun to read! Two for teachers @ $32 total, two for parents @ $24 total, or three if you are both teacher & parent @ $42 total (There is an additional $5 S & H charge plus 8% tax for Californians).  Books carry a 30 day return guarantee!