SUPERKIDS VS. GOOD KIDS VS. BRATS!
(The first half of the following info comes from a May 2001 Readers Digest Article entitled "The Difference Between Good Kids & Brats" by Karen Springen as written for Newsweek Magazine. The second half comes from another article entitled "When Your Child Talks Back" written by Marianne Neifert, M.D.for Parenting Magazine and printed in the October'99 issue of Readers Digest. Each of these articles has been condensed and paraphrased by the Harrisons for use in this web site article to avoid copyright infringement)
(A comparison of management methods with proper Harrison System use is as indicated in brackets & a blue color)
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD KIDS & BRATS
The above cited Readers Digest article reveals that kids of about two years old recognize rules and obey them if an adult is present. After two years of age the person obeys inconsistently if an adult is unavailable at the time of the action. Child experts believe that "emotional and cognitive awareness of right and wrong" must be present for the person to be held responsible and to knowledgeably know what is right and what is wrong. Stated simply: The child must have this feeling in both the head and the heart. However, you can't force morality. You can only point the child in the proper direction.
This article offers six "management" suggestions to accomplish the task:
#1. Make decisions about values: Decide values and attitudes you want instilled into your child (e.g. "honesty, hard work, and etc.)" Then you must act accordingly. If you are dishonest and lazy - so will the kid become. Therefore, you must try to become as perfect an example as possible - all of the time.
(OK! Now ask yourself this: How many adults can perform this way continuously? System users don't need to do so! The child - and any adult using the System - makes his or her own decisions with the loss of a valuable self accountable scorekeeper as a penalty for mistakes, like real-life. See our ALLANHARRI web site for confirmation.)
#2. Give praise for proper behavior: Point out and praise proper behavior and minimize criticising the child. In other words, seldom say "No!"
(The System encourages personal praise and eliminates the need for criticism. The valuable points earned provide an acceptable substitute for constant approval - just as our dollars do in real-life for adults. System kids help adults make the "Laws" and then help design and understand proper behavior. After this the children help assign the penalties for infractions. Thus, such kids also quickly learn to ask for advice & make few mistakes so the word "No!" is seldom needed. After all, shouldn't trainees be allowed to learn as much from mistakes as they do successes?)
#3. Utilize "Teachable Moments! Adults should use actual examples that happen in real-life wherever possible to illustrate proper behavior. For instance, when money is found it should be returned to the rightful owner rather than kept.
(The System provides similar to real-life, self-instructional moments - constantly. Adult help is sought to avoid mistakes. So, adult stress and work disappear almost magically.)
#4. Oversee what your children watch! Unsupervised film, TV, or computer use is a "No! No!" Impulsive kids need direction for proper habits and lifetime guidance!
(The "Monkey See - Monkey Do!" habit is eliminated from the System Kid's character - unless it is the proper thing to do. Valuable scorekeeper penalties automatically take care of this.)
#5. Talk about the consequences! The adult is asked to discuss consequences and the fair punishment for the child's actions. The kids should be encouraged to make his or her own choices so that the proper habits are formed for a lifetime ahead.
(The System's valuable scorekeeper eliminates much of this requirement - along with the stress and work - for the adult. Remember: advice is sought and management unneeded. Every System child is acutely aware of the consequences with mistakes.)
#6. Instruct children in different view-points! When one child injures another, discuss how such an injury would feel to the perpetrator. When a stuffed animal is lost and not returned, explain the emotional pain involved.
In conclusion the article states: "It's how the person acts when Mom or Dad is not around" that becomes the "truest test of a moral child."
(Again, it's a logical and obvious fact, that the work, stress, and little success for adults remain high using management methods - read the newspaper. This is reversed with System use since children experience actions - inside the classroom or home - similar to real-life happenings. One example is that a System child can sue another.
The conclusion stated obviously faults management methods in a logical and obvious way that everyone should understand. How can anyone expect any youngster to become a moral child without an authority present when his or her training has usually required such a thing most of the time?)
WHEN YOUR CHILD TALKS BACK
The above indicated and second Reader's Digest article
boldly states that "parenting can be difficult"
even with a compliant youngster. Also it
indicates that the child who talks back and is joined by an adult begins
a war neither child nor adult wins. The reasons for insolence is as varied
as: attention seeking; parental domination; or a search for power by the
child. However, all insolence isn't defiance. Expect and permit some grumbling
and disagreement on the part of the child. If you don't, kids with weak
characters are produced.
Seven suggestions are given as remedies:
# 1. Develop Behavior: Show respect for children and others by your actions and expect the same from the kids. Teach the following politeness: please, thank you, sorry, etc. Use voice, examples, and actions to demonstrate respect and be careful of your tone of voice. Compliment and even reward proper behavior.
(Management methods for kids are difficult to use - consistently. To be successful, one must be almost a psychologist rather than an ordinary parent or schoolteacher. Such a successful adult has nerves of steel, unlimited energy, the patience of Job and an unrivaled sense of justice. The System has all of these things automatically built into it on an individually self-responsible and self-participating basis which duplicates real-life. It's perfect training to become a proper adult in America.)
# 2. Redefine insolence: Allow the child to have an opinion. Permit appropriately expressed disagreement when it is proper to do so. To do the opposite is to develop weak individuals.
(Again, as stated previously, successful management methods for children require a very talented adult. The System accommodates the talented and the not talented.)
# 3. Supervise media: Watch what your children watch. Explain misbehavior they may see and tell them such actions are not acceptable or permitted in your home or school. If you're unsuccessful, apply the suggestions that follow in this article.
(By now, you may be wishing you had the luxury of a childless home or school. However, never fear, the System is here. Merely click on the ALLANHARRI web site indicated previously and above.)
# 4. Act immediately if not sooner: Indicate to the child that his or her tone and words are not acceptable. However, do not overreact nor blame the child. Blame the youngster's insolent language. Stay calm and allow the child to save face by suggesting other language. Thank the youngster when he or she isn't insolent.
(The System eliminates all of the stress and most of the personal relationship techniques needed for success by not having the insolence occur in the first place. If by small chance it does, the certain fine or lawsuit fixes things much more appropriately and painfully for the child - just as it does in real-life for adults.)
# 5. Utilize feelings: Try not to take the child's insolence personally since kids' emotions at the time sometimes overheat unreasonably. It's better to explain to the youngster that his or her words and tone hurt you deeply. Even young children can be made to feel sorry.
(This seems sensible and the only practical remedy when management methods are utilized. However, suppose the crafty child discovers such insolence is a "power" tool which is useful in the future? How can it be corrected then? System use usually corrects mistakes before they occur. If it doesn't, guess who gets hurt the most and learns the most valuable lesson which he or she can blame on no one but himself or herself?)
# 6. Withhold privileges: When insolent behavior occurs, adults should withhold privileges. For example: When playing a game with an insolent child, refuse to continue. Other useful things might be assigning additional chores; loss of TV viewing; and preventing visits from friends. The adult authority might even allow the "talk-back" child a choice: Immediately correct the insolence or suffer the consequence! Also, don't make the punishment so harsh it builds resentment. And, never use idle future threats as punishment.
(Withholding privileges cements the concept of "Dictatorship" into the mind of the child. It builds perfect citizens - or slaves - for authoritarian governments such as Nazi Germany, Communist Russia or China. It's a shameful technique for democratic America to utilize. Misbehavior of System children results in a previously self-devised loss of the valuable scorekeeper, privilege, or cherished item. All System kids understand, expect and even demand such just punishment from proper authorities.)
# 7. Adults should become introspective: Don't get angry at insolence and instantly reply. This may start a power struggle which nobody wins. The author of this article found one day that a silent reply to her rude child brought forth an eventual and surprising apology. As a result, the author discovered the true reason for the youngster's hostility and calmly helped her solve the problem. Any adult can do the same.
In conclusion, don't let harmful "Back Talk" erode relationships. Set proper examples; resist power struggles; replace "Back Talk" with healthy communication skills; and strengthen family relationship bonds for every member.
(Instead: Try the Harrison System and become a believer in the seeming magic of self accountability methods at home or at school. No System user needs to become overworked, stressed, or even emotional. Click on the FREE instructions at our above ALLANHARRI web site for teachers and parents and you'll become a true believer.)
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